The Pains of Fatherhood
by Mordae aka Dark Shadow
Summary: Poor Mayuri, when he created a girl he didn't really think about the things implied. Now its come back to bite him in the butt. And to make matters worse...he's seen.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. I just screw up other people's creations.

A/N: This is another one of those stories that should go in the stupid category. I don't think this is really offensive, it's a part of life. Well, for girls it is anyway. Mayuri just has the bad luck of being a single dad.

The Pains of Fatherhood

It was day 127 of a very important experiment and Mayuri was putting the final touches on the serum that he hoped would allow him to grow back limbs. He held a dropper of clear liquid over a beaker and carefully squeezed the rubber end of the dropper. A droplet quivered on the end and dropped into the beaker. The liquid in the beaker cleared slightly and as he was about to add another drop when a sharp tug on his hakama caused him to empty the contents of the dropper into the beaker. The liquid in the beaker bubbled violently and boiled over the sides and onto his hand. He swore rather loudly as the skin on his hand started to boil and peel.

The beaker smashed to the floor and he turned furious eyes to the person at his side. Nemu looked up at him with huge eyes. He opened his mouth to yell at her but she started speaking before he could vocalize his displeasure.

"I'm bleeding and I can't stop it. I tried everything and none of it worked. It keeps getting worse and I'm starting to get a stomach cramp and-." Mayuri interrupted her mid-sentence, realizing she was so panicked she wouldn't stop on her own.

"Nemu, all bleeding can be stopped. You just aren't doing something right. Show me where you're hurt."

Nemu gave Mayuri wide eyes. "But Mayuri-sama, I can't show you that." Her voice dropped to a whisper, "I'm bleeding _down there._"

Mayuri's eye's narrowed, "Nemu, you can't bleed…shit. Nemu you're having you're period. Remember what I told you?" he said, rubbing his face.

Nemu didn't look relieved at the revelation. "Oh, but how do I stop it?"

"Get me one of the other women and I will have her fetch some items for you."

Nemu looked horrified. "But Mayuri-sama no one else can know about this. Please, can you get them for me."

"Nemu I have too much to do here. Someone else can get them just as easily as me. All women get a period, it will hardly matter to any of them."

"But I don't want any of them to know." She whined and gave him a wide eyed look that clearly said she wasn't giving up until he agreed. Mayuri sighed heavily and rubbed his face.

"Fine!" he snapped as he walked past Nemu and swept out of the lab.

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Mayuri Kurotsuchi looked straight ahead as he headed into the market. He had taken off his mask and the clothing that marked him as a captain. His blue hair hung over his eyes and he was religiously avoiding everyone else's eyes for fear of recognition. The recognition didn't come and as he headed down the isle for feminine hygiene was beginning to think he wasn't going to get caught.

He looked over the boxes and bags on the shelf and wondered what would be the best. Most certainly wings were not needed when one was bleeding. And what the hell was the difference between a plastic and paper applicator? Finally he gave up and grabbed at random. He was almost out of the isle when he spotted Kenpachi looking at him with a undecipherable gleam in his eye. Mayuri swore under his breath and spun on his heel. A huge arm wrapped around him and crushed him against a muscular chest. The smaller man gasped as Kenpachi leered at him. Mayuri was very sure he practiced that look.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the lab rat. I always knew there was something off about you."

"I am not a woman you imbecile, and I never was. That's just wishful thinking on you're part."

"It's not my fault you look like a woman with your hair down to your shoulders. Ukitake and Byakuya don't."

Mayuri looked around Kenpachi's shoulder, hoping no one had heard the last part, and met Gin's eye's. His eye's were wide open and when Mayuri peeked around Kenpachi they got even wider.

"I hardly think he looks like a woman Kenpachi," Gin said, then smiled and walked away.

Kenpachi looked after the silver haired man for a second and pushed Mayuri away. Kenpachi gave Mayuri that patented leer again.

"Don't even. They're for Nemu you idiot, she is a girl after all." Mayuri gave Kenpachi cold eyes, " Besides, I'm sure Yachiru is about the same age. This will be you in a few years. Hell, maybe it already is." Mayuri leered back at Kenpachi. "Maybe that's why you're here. Or maybe it's for another reason," he commended with raised eyebrows.

Kenpachi looked appalled and backed away from the shorter man. Faintly Mayuri heard Kenpachi mutter something about cross dressers but ignored him as he walked to the checkout. The girl running it gave him a strange look but didn't comment when he sent her a death glare. He didn't even wait for the change before he practically ran out the door.

Mayuri made his way through Seretie with far more paranoia that was probably necessary. When he reached his base he snuck through one of the back ways so none of his division would see him with the hygiene products. He even went so far as to hide in a broom closet as Akon passed by. Oh, if Urahara could see him now.

Finally he made it to Nemu's room and practically threw the boxes at her, leaving his daughter to stare after him in shock.

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-headdesks- I am so going to hell for this. Yup, and when I get there Mayuri will be waiting to torture me.

Oh, and as for the long hair comment made by Kenpachi, that's another story entirely. After all, Mayuri probably hasn't always had shorter hair. :D


End file.
